Article - Laura Knight-Jadczyk
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Article - Laura Knight-Jadczyk
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Chapter 22
And this was another of my realizations about my hurt feelings. I wouldn't be having hurt feelings if it wasn't for the fact that I was just simply taking myself too seriously. Because, of course, when we take ourselves too seriously, we also have to take the Petty Tyrant seriously as well. We worry all the time about saying this or doing that because it might "hurt their feelings," or it "isn't nice," or that isn't "love and light," or it doesn't look compassionate! And notice that all of these concerns are actually based on our worries about how someone else will perceive us! We worry about someone else's hurt feelings because if we hurt their feelings, they will think we are bad. We worry about just simply speaking honestly from the greatest truth we know, because they might think we are not "nice" or "sweet" or "Christian" or "compassionate." And all of that is related to self-importance! We may be having the strongest instinctive reaction of our lives that just screams that someone is a predator, but we shove it under the rug because it's "not nice." And then, when they are poking a stick directly into our eye, we are constrained to say: "please, I'd like to bring it to your attention, if it is not too much trouble, that you have a stick in your hand, and somehow, (and I am sure it is not intentional), the stick has managed to find its way into my eye. It is causing me considerable difficulty - even pain - but I have tried to restrain myself from pointing it out because I am sure that you are just being yourself and have every right to be yourself, and if in the course of being yourself, you have accidentally poked a stick in my eye, perhaps it is MY fault for having my eye annoyingly in your way. Having said all of that, the fact remains that the stick is in my eye, and if it wouldn't be TOO much trouble, would you kindly see if it would be possible to withdraw it - assuming that it doesn't violate your right to be yourself, that is - because I am, naturally, very compassionate toward others, and being yourself is okay by me… but still… the stick... my eye..." Acting from natural instinct, the instant the stick begins to approach our eye, we would slap it away and be damned to the niceties. And so it should be in matters of the soul. Don Juan explained that the mistake average men make in confronting petty tyrants is that they do not understand that reality is an interpretation we make, and that interpretation is based on knowledge and awareness. The plain fact is: Petty Tyrants interpret reality according to the Juvenile Dictionary. Petty Tyrants take themselves with deadly seriousness while warriors do not. Warriors interpret reality according to the Theological Dynamic, and utilize the Psychological substrate as the instrument of implementation of the four attributes: control, discipline, forbearance, timing. What always exhausts a Petty Tyrant is the wear and tear on his self-importance. He is so full of it, and false pride, that he is internally ripped apart by being made to feel worthless, which he only feels because of his self-importance and his need to feed and sustain it. It is self-importance that will drive a man to falsify his credentials, to claim knowledge and experience he doesn't have; and it is self-importance that will drive such a man to fight to his last gasp to preserve that false self. And this last is the clincher. The Petty Tyrant is so concerned about what "other people think" that they will spend endless energy trying to maintain a false image, to continue to "act the role," to attack that which threatens their self-importance either violently or with subtle viciousness. The object of the Warrior is, of course, to utilize whatever is necessary to stand against such attacks, to draw the line and hold it, and - if necessary - to strategically systematically harass the Petty Tyrant until they are drained of energy, and with their last, desperate burst, they do something so stupid, so destructive, that finally, due to the forebearance of the warrior who knows the nature of the Predator, the Petty Tyrants receive their "due" - generally at their own hands. And thus the dynamic ends. One of the chief things I am realizing about self-importance, with each grueling confession about my own ignorance and stupidity that I must make in public, is that we are controlled by our fear of admitting that we have made stupid mistakes, that we allowed ourselves to be used and manipulated - whether at a human level or from a hyperdimensional level - that we are in the process of learning. We are ashamed to discuss these things publicly. We are exhausted by trying to "keep it quiet" or "shove it under the rug" or trying to find a way to rationalize it, to think that we deserve it, that we are not free to simply change our mind, and learn a new strategy for dealing with such things. We are programmed to be so concerned about our self-aggrandizing feelings, and the self-aggrandizing feelings of others that we commit the "fatal flaw": we take ourselves too seriously! We think that our emotional reactions to the cruelties of others is evidence of our "spiritual nature." We think that our concern for the feelings of others who are hurting us is evidence of our superior spirituality. We think that saying something like "well, consider the source and ignore it," or "one should not get the messenger and the message mixed up" is some sort of pronouncement of great spiritual wisdom. We are so terrified by our fear of "taking the bull by the horns," that we exhaust ourselves trying to think of ways NOT to do it. And it is really quite simple: just DO it.
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