Article - Laura Knight-Jadczyk
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Article - Laura Knight-Jadczyk
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Chapter 19
Over the years, I had noticed that he watched other people carefully while he talked to them, and I often caught him actually peeking to see what effect he was having. If the effect was satisfactory, he continued on a given approach. If the effect was not what he wanted - and I wasn't sure what it was - then he would adjust his word choices until they achieved the desired effect. His ability to mimic was obviously very useful in this way because he could make his words and vocabulary resemble that of his target so that they were very quickly "entrained." There were only a very few people he was not able to manipulate this way. He did it to me, but I knew he was doing it to some extent, and because I cared for him, I allowed it. The only emotions that seemed to be really "real" to Frank, the only emotions he expressed, were rage and hurt and inordinate humiliation and fear, which he expressed in reaction to slights and injuries, real or imagined. I guess it could be said that his emotions were reactive, and not active. The curious thing about it was that even though he could rant for hours in rage at his parents, someone who had insulted him when he was a child in school, a stranger who had offended him, his sister (one of his favorite rants), he disdained feelings and emotions in other people. He pronounced anyone with healthy emotions to be "weak" and therefore to be derided. He would pontificate for hours about how superior his own approach to life was because he, only HE, was completely free of petty human emotions! Frank was obsessively afraid of sickness and pain. For Frank, any experience of pain brought on an onslaught of memories of every other pain he had ever experienced, and the listener was forced to endure hours of recitation of the multiple levels of agony he had experienced at all the different points in his life. This subject of his pains was an inexhaustible source of verbiage, and I had been subjected to it for years. And now, Ark would no longer allow it. When Frank would start on such subjects, Ark would ask him: why are you so focused on your pains of the past when you can see that Laura is so exhausted she can barely sit up? As much as I hated to admit it, I was slowly beginning to realize that Frank was not just a poor wounded bird, he was overtly pompous, grandiose, repulsive and contradictory. There was a huge discrepancy between who he thought he was, and claimed to be, and what he really was. He didn't just think he was superior to everyone else, it was an accepted fact in his mind, an all-pervasive reality that made him certain that he was entitled to special treatment and outstanding consideration because he was the most unique human being on the planet. He KNEW this to be true just as he knew that he was surrounded by air. This superior identity was more him than his body. And as long as I allowed myself to be controlled by him, I was allowed to breathe this superior air. But when the control was broken, when Ark exerted his protective influence over me, an abyss opened between me and Frank that grew wider every day. Frank was quite brilliant at insulating himself from the truth about himself versus what he thought he was. His brilliant rhetoric was used to isolate him from the pain of facing reality. It allowed him to continue to inhabit the fantasyland where he was the ideal of perfection and brilliance. Frank wasn't, and isn't "evil" in any strict sense. In point of fact, what we call the "dark side," or STS for the sake of convention, ought not to be reviled. It just simply is. Most people on such a pathway consider themselves to be good and compassionate people. They even help people professionally or voluntarily. But they only do it to gain something, to get attention, adulation, admiration, money, power or whatever. But Ark wasn't going to let him get away with it anymore. Frank was certainly entitled to be any way he wanted to be, or to just be. But when it created physical, psychological, or psychic problems for us, he wasn't going to be allowed to do it in our house. He had more than met his match, and he didn't like it one bit. As we became more aware of the "problem," we naturally discussed if we ought to do something more about it, what it might be, and came to the conclusion that the simplest solution was to work with the psychomantium for the deeper questions, and continue the boardwork as the "group channel," for simple questions and issues that did not require complex answers. Frank seemed to be aware of this and several times accused us of planning to "ditch" him. The fact is, that wasn't true, since we hoped that he was going to stabilize so that we could continue on both levels. But it seemed that the more paranoid he became about it, the more he behaved in ways to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. As Ark continued to block Frank's attempts to drain energy from me, his health began to deteriorate. Frank had always been a hypochondriac and a germophobe, but now he was having what seemed to be acute gallbladder attacks. He thought it was his heart and his mother paid for him to go and have a complete cardiac work-up. Nothing was found. The next was a complete gall bladder check, including the most advanced testing available. Again, nothing was found to be wrong with him. At the same time, all his teeth were rotting away visibly week by week. Not just one or two of them, but ALL of them. I have been a fan of Louise Hay for many years, finding her little book, Heal Your Body, to be an invaluable resource. The C's had confirmed on a number of occasions that physical disease does not manifest unless there is a psycho-spiritual cause, and I knew that these causes could be very deep, often relating to past life experiences. I had used Louise Hay's book to examine my own mental and psychological state, and had spent a great deal of the previous four years in physical therapy, including deep tissue massage, acupuncture, and several other Oriental modalities. I knew how valuable this multi-faceted approach was for identifying and helping to release deeply buried issues in order to aid the healing process. My own health had been steadily improving as a result of this work, and with the cessation of energy draining I was feeling better than I had felt in 25 years or more.
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