To:
Ark
Date sent: Sat, 27 Sep 97 09:00:34
Honey,
I am back at the house for a few minutes to change my clothes and grab
some coffee and go back to the hospital. Anna is stable, but still
on life support. It was VERY close for about 7 hours and truly about
the most horrifying experience of my life until this point.
She was
with her friends, and an older guy gave them some Vodka. Anna drank
some and went into insulin shock and then a coma. She stopped breathing
right when we got her to the hospital.
I am okay,
but I am VERY tired mostly from terror and grief. I will tell you when
I am back. She hit her face when she fell and they are doing a CT scan
to make sure there is no serious damage and then she will be taken to
Intensive care unit where they probably will not allow me to stay with
her very long. If she seems better and sleeping okay, I will come home,
but I would like to wait until she is no longer on the respirator...
So, don't
worry, Honey... the worst of it is over. It was terrible, but we just
DO the things we have to do.
Take
care of YOU for me, please. I told Anna you were worried and she seemed
to understand what I was saying.
To
Ark
Date sent: Sat, 27 Sep 97 12:46:58
Okay,
Honey, I am home now... it is about 6:20 in the morning and I left her
sleeping... The nurses think she will sleep for about half a day.
I
didn't want the baby to wake up and find me not here.
So,
the terrible crisis has passed... Anna has learned something about Lizzies...
and so have I.
The police
were there. The man who bought the liquor for the kids has been arrested
and charged with aggravated child abuse, which is a serious offense.
All the policemen involved came by to see her before I left to check
on her and make sure that she was alright. That was very sweet.
And
I survived. It was terrible - horrible - but it is over.
So,
now, I think I will try to get some rest.
Good
Night, Honey... I hope that all has gone well and everyone is satisfied
with the conference, and that you can get some rest too, soon.
To
Laura
Date sent: Sat, 27 Sep 97 17:49:45
Honey,
we knew there will be furious attacks. We could have predicted it. But
there will be future and it will be good because we are not alone we
do have helpers. We have had car accident one kid was involved with.
It should teach us a lesson. We have another accident now; it should
teach us a lesson.
The conference
is over the last round table discussion was long, much longer than it
was planned. It was a smashing success. I gave an overview of EEQT
and all these people were happy so EEQT exists and everybody is satisfied
and calling this meeting exceptional.
I
am VERY tired almost unconscious but all is fine and well and okay we
will make it and now REALLY SOON.
IT
WAS HARD today because of what has happened to ANNA but it gave me,
in fact, even more determination to find the force and energy that was
necessary.
To
Ark:
Date sent: Sun, 28 Sep 97 05:28:20
Oh, Honey,
I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I spent most of the day at the
hospital. V** came with me and we gave Anna Reiki for hours.
Finally,
in the late afternoon, she talked a little bit and seemed more like
herself. So, I came home and tried to rest. But, I couldn't. So,
I went back to the hospital and sat with her while she slept. Then
I cam home again. I am almost to the point that I think I can sleep.
You
know, I wonder about what the C's said about "Mt. Anna may erupt...
cataclysmically..." and, indeed this was a cataclysmic "eruption,"
though more physical than anything, though I would have to say that
it must represent something spiritual or psychological.
Well,
I am too tired to think about it or analyze it. There are just some
images that get frozen in the mind and take forever to go away, and
seeing my baby like she was last night is one of them.
I have
little red spots all over my legs that look like measles... they are
ruptured capillaries from the hours standing with my legs and back braced,
holding that child while she convulsed over and over again - trying
to keep her from hurting herself, and fighting to keep her in the body.
When I wasn't trying to calm her down and keep her still, I was pleading
with her not to leave me.
So,
I wish I could cry just now because I think I would feel better faster
if I could, but it seems to be stuck in my throat.
I
won't feel comfortable until she is home and fine.
Oh,
Honey! It is absolutely incredible just now how much I need you....
And so do these poor babies of ours... Thank God it won't be long.
And,
it is still raining, there are flood warnings and it is just very strange
right now.
So,
Honey, I am going to lie down.
To
Ark:
Date sent: Sat, 27 Sep 97 19:17:17
I slept about 5 hours. The lung specialist called and said that
he had been called in because Anna had inhaled vomit into her lungs
and they are watching for pneumonia.
Then I
went back to the hospital for awhile, and now I am back again.
She is
sleeping from the medicine that keeps her from vomiting more, the oxygen
is still connected, but they felt that they could remove the respirator.
She has a tube that empties her stomach constantly, and a bladder catheter.
Everybody at the hospital is in love with her because she is so sweet
and grateful when she IS conscious. She has certainly had a serious
shock, and lesson, as have we all.
You
know, it is funny - they put her in the same room Sandra died in.
Well,
I expect Sandra is watching out for her a little, if that is possible.
Anyway,
I KNEW the conference would be such a success!
So,
you sleep as much as you can. I am taking all care. We will survive
this as we have all.
And, I
DO believe that she lived because I was there giving her Reiki from
the very beginning. It was so close. My arms and legs are very sore
from bending over the bed and holding her still during the hours of
convulsions. It was utterly terrifying. I just want to hold her in
my arms and make it all go away.
And,
funny - it is the end of September again. And the end of September always
seems to be such a rough time.
I
will send news when I am here. I will be in and out for the next few
days. They say they want to keep her in ICU for another couple of days.
To
Laura:
Date sent: Sun, 28 Sep 97 06:24:12
Honey,
I was writing a long letter to you and then, at the end, it was all
lost.... the connection was lost. So I make it short: I love you I
send kisses and you are in my arms.
I
am packing now and in the evening I will be sending you kisses from
Wroclaw.
Take
strength from my love.
To
Ark:
Date sent: Sun, 28 Sep 97 14:56:09
Honey,
I am awake and it seems to have stopped raining... at least for the
moment. I called the nurse at the hospital and she said that Anna is
fine this morning and that the doctor has said that they can take out
the stomach tube, so I am sure she is happy about that. Her poor little
throat was so sore yesterday from the respirator that she could hardly
speak above a whisper.
So,
I will go down in a little bit and kiss her good morning and take her
pajamas to her and see how she is with my own eyes.
I took
melatonin and some herb tea last night to make sure that I could sleep
- it took awhile, but I did it, finally. It was hard to sleep with
her not in the house and I was still just literally reeling from the
shock.
But, I
think that I am better now. Getting some sleep has helped.
I am having
my coffee. And happy that the crazy days there are over... and that
all was such a great success!
V**
was asking me why I didn't go and find the guy who gave the liquor to
the kids and "take him apart." I tried to explain to her that
needed every ounce of force in me to fight for my child to live, to
be restored to me whole - that she would not be permanently damaged
as can so easily happen. And, second, any person who is so desperate
for attention and love that they must buy it from adolescents in that
way, is so unutterably pathetic that they do not deserve rage, but only
pity.
Now, I
am going to have another cup of coffee, then I will get dressed and
go over to the hospital to see how our baby is doing. She has cried
RIVERS since she became conscious - saying over and over "I love
you Mommy and I'm so sorry I was bad..." So, I told her she was
not bad, she just fell off the bicycle and now she has to get well and
get back on and ride it. I think she feels enough guilt and remorse
all on her own that I am certainly not going to add to it. It will
take all I can do, I think, to help restore her confidence in herself.
So, Honey...
all is better. We have made it through this... Thanks be to God and
the good forces that it was not a complete tragedy. Now, we need to
figure out the lesson, and make sure that it is never again repeated.
To
Ark:
Date sent: Mon, 29 Sep 97 17:02:51
I have
been over to the hospital with Anna... the tubes and things are out,
though she is still on IV... she had a glass of ginger ale and I took
her some magazines and she was watching television. We talked quite
a bit, and I have a little bit clearer idea of what happened. And,
so does she.
What happened
was: the kids were on their way home from skating when they met some
of their friends who talked them into going across the street to this
guy's house where there was a party going on. The guy brought out a
bottle of vodka and offered it to the kids. They passed it around and
Anna said that she didn't want any but they all started hooting at her
to "take a swig," so she did. And then they started chanting
"chug-a-lug" or something, and she said she took a few more
gulps, and that was that. A few minutes later, she decided it was time
to go home and she tried to stand up and that's the last thing she remembers.
I asked
her why she even took the first drink and she said that when the kids
were all teasing her the thought just came to her: "Well, alcohol
is not like taking drugs, so maybe it isn't so bad, so I will just take
a drink..." obviously she was wanting to be "accepted"
without going over the line into doing any kind of "drugs."
Unfortunately,
she did not realize that, not only is alcohol a DRUG, it is, literally,
a poison, and for someone who has never drank any before, it can be
lethal. She didn't take into account that she hadn't eaten anything
for several hours and she is constantly ignoring her hyperinsulinism.
Of course,
the thing that makes me furious is that all the other kids were trying
to cover their own rear ends by making everything HER fault... they
all said: "Oh, we tried to stop her ... we begged her not to drink...
she was determined to get drunk... " etc... NONE of which was true.
It was a simply error in judgment and a complete lack of knowledge.
And, of course, when the kids saw she was acting funny, they all tried
to pour coffee and milk down her which went directly into her lungs
because she was in the middle of a toxic reaction. THEN the guy who
owned the house demanded that they "take her home," and they
tried to carry her out and down the street. That's when they dropped
her.
So, they
paged Ali - but I wonder - if Ali had not been home (the only Friday
night in months that she WAS) would these kids have called me? Or would
they have just let her lay there and "sleep it off," which
would, of course, have meant death? I just don't know.
Ali went
to pick her up, and knew right away that she was dying. Thank God she
had sense enough to see it.
So, I
am furious at the kids, though I DO understand... they simply did NOT
realize the seriousness. They are all so ignorant... The doctors are
saying that just a few more minutes delay, and they would NOT have been
able to save her.
Frankly,
I don't think that they DID save her, though their technical applications
DID keep the body going while I was there to bring her back. I think
that if I had not been there fighting for her, she was already too far
gone. It scares the daylights out of me to think about it! How many
kids in similar situations DO die, or go into irreversible comas?
I
think that I am still in something of a state of shock that is only
wearing off gradually. I am not really capable of assimilating all that
has happened in the past few days because some of it was such mind stopping
terror that one just simply continues to function with certain circuits
turned off, because to allow them to be on would be so devastating that
the system could not accomodate it.
Now,
I just worry that you will catch up on your rest... be able to do all
that must still be done before you come home and we can collapse together
for a little while! We need some REAL REST!
So,
Honey, I am with you constantly as you are with me. And it is good and
gives me strength... God only knows, without your love and support,
I might not have done as well in the past week as I did... I think I
will be able to resolve all of it in my mind rather soon.
Yes,
we know it is not gonna be easy... but, we are learning how to do a
LOT of things.
To
Laura:
Date sent: Tue, 30 Sep 1997 07:37:49
Mother
was very much moved by what has happened to Anna. She was praying in
the night for Anna to get better. Funny is this mother of mine. Otherwise
all is okay and alright.
These
Lizzies must have been using the fact that I was so much busy and involved
with the conference... and they have chosen to attack just then! But
we must make this event to act against them. I can't help thinking that
Anna was supposed to go to school....
Well,
now the most important thing is that soon we will be together and we
will be doing all those things that need us being together. And then
all will be different. And it's gonna be rather soon. I am watching.
You too.
