Article - Laura Knight-Jadczyk
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Article - Laura Knight-Jadczyk
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Chapter 14
It was at this point that something completely bizarre happened. I went to the kitchen to get a drink of water in the middle of the night and had to pass by the door to the playroom. As I did, I heard him talking in there. I wondered who in the world was he talking to. In the low, ambient light of the house, I could see that he was stretched out on the sofa, alone and apparently asleep. But he was talking. I stood there very quietly and listened. He seemed to be having a long conversation with someone in a dream and I could only hear his end of it. The thing that was so amazing was that in all the years of our marriage, he had never once talked in his sleep. Not once. And now he was saying things like: "Yes, I know I failed in the mission, but I won't fail again." "Please don't punish me! I won't fail again!" There were a long series of "yes" responses as though he were receiving instructions, and the subservient nature of his end of the dialogue gave me the absolute willies. An air of evil emanated from the room and understood that the subject of discussion was me. Somehow, he had been assigned to do something in regard to me, and the present situation was unacceptable to the overseer of this "mission" he kept mentioning. If my resolve had been growing weak, it was increased a hundred-fold by this little encounter. I made up my mind that I had to get him out of the house. His physical proximity was dangerous. He was slowly but surely wearing me down, and he was playing on the emotions of the children and the situation had to end NOW. I talked to my friend Sandra about it. She was a supervisor of the Child Support Enforcement Unit of the State Department of Health and Rehabilitative Services. She told me that I needed to apply for assistance and make it clear to him that he had to be out of the house or he would be subject to legal sanctions. I was already receiving a supplemental check from Social Security because I was unable to work due to my health problems, so this seemed the logical thing to do until the insurance case related to the accident was settled. I reasoned that, since our house was paid for, the children and I would be able to survive - though just barely - until he could get himself settled and the court could set a reasonable amount for him to pay as support for the children. So, that's what I did. I made it a legal matter, and because Sandra was behind me and he knew that he couldn't play any games with the State legal system with Sandra watching, he packed up his things and moved back to his parent's house. It was at this point that something akin to physical "withdrawal" began to manifest. Sandra explained to me that I had to keep repeating over and over in my mind why I was doing what I was doing. She told me to make a list of all the times when we had gone through the "feeding episodes," and how when I had reached the end of my rope and declared that I couldn't take it anymore, we had gone through the same deal and all the promises that were made and not kept. I realized that I had to just keep hitting myself over the head to stay awake. Then there came the fear of not being loved... of being judged a 'bad girl' or a "bad wife and mother." This was the program that had kept me in the situation for so many years. It had been inculcated into me (and millions of other women) as a little girl. It is the chief program of women in general: to cover the bad things up, to shove them all under the rug, to make things nice... to be a "good girl" by being a doormat. I had to keep reminding myself that I was Bluebeard's Wife. And Bluebeard had a secret room in the castle with the "bodies" of all his other wives... symbols of the fact that he was a predator, feeding on our energy because he had none of his own. And he had none of his own because he was inured in the Matrix, a source of energy in the Food Chain Pyramid of the Theological reality of higher level dark forces that feed on humanity. We can feel sorry as all get-out that such people may only become Bluebeard because of damage to them as infants or children. But they cannot be fixed. And their damage spreads like an infection to everyone with whom they are in contact. What was ultimately important to me was the fact that I knew I had to become what I wanted for my daughters. Children do what they see, not what we tell them. And the greatest gift we can give anyone is to become what we would have others be: Free. At this point, I brought up the matter with the Cassiopaeans:
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